Mama's Boys

November 27, 2019

Mama's Boys

You know who's resilient!? Kids and I'd like to talk about mine for a minute. As cliche as this sounds, I absolutely love my kids. I want them everywhere I go. They've gone on every trip but 2 overnight date nights with us. They go to my dentist appts with me, they go to my NAET therapy with me, they've gone to my Airossti appointments with me. I even started working out with a group called fit4mom and its based on park workouts with your stroller and kids in tow. They literally go everywhere with us, of course, we have date nights but that is besides the point. We lay with the kids each night, we cuddle in the morning, we do everything as a unit.

When I was laying on the biopsy table and the Dr, with the needle in me..said "I believe you have breast cancer.." no offense to my husband but my first thought was my kids. I couldn't stop crying, I have to be there for my kids.

As soon as I was diagnosed the Dr visits filled the calendar and I started having to be away from them more, thankfully we have an amazing support team that we completely trust to watch them and they LOVE being with.

I would miss them so much sitting at all of these appointments, as would Austin.

They didn't ask too many questions until after surgery. Jackson (5) is much more in tune to what's going on, than Waylon who is 3, although Waylon does pick up on some of it. The kids knew I had torn tissue and that's why I had to start going to the Doctor. Their resilience though has brought me so much strength, when you're with your kids ALL DAY EVERY DAY there is minimal time to be sad, sit around and cry or let thoughts eat you up. Also, you want to be healed up ASAP to get back to "normal" life and not "miss" anything.

Jump ahead to my surgery, they stayed over night at my parents (Wednesday) and I didn't get to see them in person until Saturday evening. When we pulled up Austin ran inside to get stuff situated while Mom and I sat in the car. The kids came RUNNING out the front door and hopped in the truck. It was SO good to see my babies. When I came in they sat next to me holding my hand. Jackson cut off my hospital bracelets to help me, Waylon couldn't stop kissing my hand. I was unable to bathe them or be apart of bedtime cuddles, dinner time at the table and morning cuddles.However, my husband stepped up (even though he always helps) and was able to get us all through it.

Over the next several weeks the Jackson told me "I'm so sorry you had to have surgery,Mom." , Waylon told me "I'm sorry I jumped on you so you had to have surgery.". These things made me SO SAD. We haven't ever told the kids I HAD CANcer, as they're just too young to understand if we don't have to tell them.

I've not been able to hold the kids but they both have handled it so well. I was able pretty quickly to help make them lunch,while my husband was home on FMLA, sit in the bathroom at bath time, let them lay in my lap on the recliner we rented, lots of hand holding and eventually back to being able to sit with them in bed at bedtime.

My oldest keeps asking when my Dr visits are going to be done and my youngest reminds me almost daily I had surgery. To hear these kids pray for my healing and watch how they handle this new road we are on is fascinating. They pray with such confidence and authority, they love on me, they celebrate with me when I can do something, they help me, they have so much hope and trust for the future and me being back to myself, its so encouraging.

I am so proud of them and the way God has used them to restore joy in moments of sadness, restore Faith in moments of human weakness, restore Hope in moments where I need to be reminded to PRAY.

My husband tells me often that one day the kids will use this time to bring out strength and courage in their own lives. But who wouldn't fight for these babies? I am so thankful for them and the way God uses them everyday. I look forward to being a part of the reason they grow up to be strong men who LOVE God, SERVE God and SERVE others.

As a part of this journey I wanted to document how much these boys have done for me, physically and mentally and even spiritually by continually reminding me to trust in God and the promises Hes given us. If I hadn't had the "mom pouch" and had Waylon not jumped one me last year, we wouldn't have found it so early,nor would I have had extra fat and skin to donate to my chest. Thank you, God.

Here are some photos of the boys helping put on my socks, my 3 year old praying over me..without any prompting, my 5 year old playing Battleship with me, the boys holding my hand, the boys helping me walk through the house and us trying our best to cuddle...just a glimpse of this last month and their stewardship towards me and God.